Hello friends, we’re VanVal, and we’re sick of bullshit.
I’ll make our story brief, because I know the majority does not care. Taking you back to the summer of 2014; the music was good, the sun was hot, the e-liquid was expensive, and we were broke as shit. That’s when it dawned upon us - we could indulge in the pungent, poison filled cancer sticks for less money than it cost us to delight our senses with the luscious, sweet nectar of clean delectable vapor. Why is that? Why in God’s name does it cost us $500 a month to saturate our nicotine receptors with the healthier alternative of “premium” e-liquid? Sure, we could get a cheap bottle of generic ‘fruity patootie' e-liquid for less, but we don’t want generic fruity patootie. We want a divine blend of luscious fruity patooties freshly picked from Mount Olympus; each infused with a mouthwatering burst of carbonated soda that was harvested directly from the clouds themselves, and topped with a skosh of pink Himalayan salt by none other than Aphrodite, the goddess of love, to encompass a delectable all day vape created from the essence of love itself.
That’s when VanVal set out into the world of creation, spending months at a time handcrafting unique recipes to satiate the palate for one sole purpose: ‘hand checks.’ But that is besides the point, because we’re just like you, and we don’t care about our story either.
Now if you’re anything like us, you either fit into one of two categories. A) You’re incredibly addicted to nicotine, or B) “I’m not addicted! It’s just nice to have!” Regardless of how you label yourself, VanVal has invented an astounding formula to be able to compile not just one, but both of these two categories into a one-size-fits-all, 47-word subcategory: “You love vaping so much so that it has become part of your identity. It’s who you are, but as time unfolds you begin to recognize it for what it has become; a cruel mistress. A bittersweet pleasure that sexually assaults your wallet time and time again.”
Let’s get down to business. Is it okay with YOU that most premium e-liquid has roughly a 600% markup on price? Is it okay with YOU that cigarettes are now cheaper than e-liquid? Is it okay with YOU that you could potentially save money at this point in time to return to smoking? The price of premium e-liquid is borderline immoral, and once regulation hits, the barrier to entry of the e-cigarette industry will soar and the unethical pricing of premium e-liquid will become set in stone. With that, VanVal is a company driven not only by the elusive concept of ‘hand checks,’ but by a genuine desire to create new industry standards by providing you with a premium e- liquid for a realistic price. A price so good that you will never have to cut your e-liquid with vegetable glycerin again. We stand for people's health and want everyone who is trying to stay away from cancer sticks to indulge in a premium juice for not just an affordable price, but an ethical price. “But how is that possible Mr. VanVal? Doesn’t e-liquid cost $10 per milliliter on average to concoct?” Wrong. We’re not going to make you pay for fancy glass bottles, elegant packaging, or vapor that changes colors, because if you’re like us (broke as shit) you don't want to pay extra for that, you just want some goddamn enticing flavors to put into your fog machine to vape, and that is exactly what you’re going to get with VanVal.
VanVal is not just an e-liquid, it is an experience. An experience of your contribution to force down the industry prices before it is impossible. An experience of receiving e-liquid that is so much like fine wine that you’ll be saving it for your first-born's wedding, but for such a good price you’ll be drinking it like water. But friends, we cannot stress enough that VanVal is nothing without you, YOU will make the difference, not us. Simply giving our website a look will help generate the publicity needed to make a difference.
Now if you’ve been able to endure the last 5 minutes of such strenuous, heavy, and difficult-to-read literature, then you’re one cool son of a bitch and are probably thinking that we’re cool sons of bitches too. That makes us friends. So come do business with us, because “Juice prices are too DAMN high!”
Cigarettes are no longer the enemy, friends. Stop paying for overpriced juice.
Stay sexy you dirty bitches,